KeithL
Administrator
Posts: 9,938
|
Post by KeithL on Apr 21, 2021 16:16:18 GMT -5
It also seems interesting that "4 out of 5 people who switch their auto insurance from Company A to Company B save money"... Even though "4 out of 5 people who switch their auto insurance from Company B to Company A ALSO save money"...
Until you realize that people pretty much ONLY switch insurance carriers when they discover they can save money by doing so.....
It almost reminds me of the old joke about the interview with the guy who sells parachutes... When asked if they'd ever had any of their parachutes fail he replied: "We've never had a complaint from a customer."
In a related vein, ask most people for the answer of what is 2+2 and they will tell you "4." But ask an accountant and they will ask back, "what do you want the answer to be?" Statistics can be misleading. For example, 5 out of 6 people who survive Russian Roulette suggest it is safe - what stats reveal is suggestive...... and often what they bury is vital.
|
|
|
Post by Jean Genie on Apr 21, 2021 16:26:24 GMT -5
Stimulus Money It is a slow day in the small town of Bumphuque, and streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on credit due to virus isolation. A tourist visiting the area drives through town, stops at the hotel, and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs to pick one for the night. As soon as he walks upstairs, the motel owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher. The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill to his supplier, the Co-op. The guy at the Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit. The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner. The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the traveler will not suspect anything. At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the $100 bill and leaves. No one produced anything. No one earned anything... However, the whole town is now out of debt and now looks to the future with a lot more optimism. 🤯
|
|
|
Post by DavidR on Apr 22, 2021 9:11:11 GMT -5
|
|
novisnick
EmoPhile
CEO Secret Monoblock Society
Posts: 27,223
|
Post by novisnick on Apr 23, 2021 11:44:23 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by The Mad Norseman on Apr 23, 2021 21:16:33 GMT -5
Speaking of the Donner Party!:
|
|
|
Post by DavidR on Apr 24, 2021 8:29:48 GMT -5
click on image to make larger
|
|
|
Post by 4thchoice on Apr 24, 2021 10:35:01 GMT -5
So I was at the store earlier with my service dog. The lady in front of me at checkout had about $200 worth of toilet paper in her shopping cart. With an attitude she asked me what type of dog I had. I told her it was my service dog. Then she got real snarky and said, I knew that. What type of service? I said he was a BLD. By now he was licking her face and hands being super friendly. She said, what is a BLD? I told her it stood for Butt Licking Dog. She said Butt Licking Dog? I said yeah, he has been trained to lick my butt clean because I can't seem to be able to find toilet paper because of hoarders. The cashier completely lost it.
|
|
|
Post by DavidR on Apr 26, 2021 8:19:45 GMT -5
Wendy's: still offering free handouts to the needy
(sorry for sideways pic. always seems to happen when pic taken with apple product)
|
|
|
Post by DavidR on Apr 29, 2021 17:44:54 GMT -5
|
|
novisnick
EmoPhile
CEO Secret Monoblock Society
Posts: 27,223
|
Post by novisnick on Apr 29, 2021 20:01:46 GMT -5
A year ago you could afford those googles, even if you could find ay! 🤣🤣
|
|
klinemj
Emo VIPs
Honorary Emofest Scribe
Posts: 14,744
|
Post by klinemj on Apr 29, 2021 20:39:26 GMT -5
A nun walks into the Mother Superior’s office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh, heavy with frustration.
“What troubles you, Sister?” asked the Mother Superior. “I thought this was the day you spent with your family.”
“It was,” sighed the Sister. “And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.”
“I seem to recall that,” the Mother Superior agreed. “So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?”
“Far from it,” snorted the Sister. “In fact, I took the Lord’s name in vain today!”
“Goodness, Sister!” gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. “You must tell me all about it!”
“Well, we were on the fifth tee — and this hole is a monster, Mother — 540 yard par 5, with a nasty dogleg right and a hidden green … and I hit the drive of my life. The sweetest swing I’ve ever made. And it’s flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted … and it hits a bird in mid-flight!”
“Oh my!” commiserated the Mother Superior. “How unfortunate! But surely that didn’t make you blaspheme, Sister!”
“No, that wasn’t it,” admitted the Sister. “While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!”
“Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!” sympathized the Mother Superior.
“But I didn’t, Mother!” sobbed the Sister. “And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!”
“So that’s when you cursed,” said the Mother Superior with a knowing smile.
“Nope, that wasn’t it either,” cried the Sister, anguished, “because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!”
The Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with piercing stare and said …
“You missed the (....)ing putt, didn’t you?”
|
|
|
Post by mgbpuff on May 1, 2021 7:37:17 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by DavidR on May 2, 2021 8:26:29 GMT -5
Shout-out for the last beer at novisnick's restaurant
|
|
novisnick
EmoPhile
CEO Secret Monoblock Society
Posts: 27,223
|
Post by novisnick on May 2, 2021 11:29:35 GMT -5
Shout-out for the last beer at novisnick's restaurant They just showed up with plenty of beer, come get one!
|
|
|
Post by The Mad Norseman on May 3, 2021 21:44:56 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by DavidR on May 4, 2021 8:12:55 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by monkumonku on May 4, 2021 9:55:38 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by mgbpuff on May 4, 2021 12:26:52 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by DavidR on May 5, 2021 14:39:53 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by dcg44s on May 6, 2021 11:47:51 GMT -5
|
|