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Post by The Mad Norseman on Dec 26, 2018 21:30:45 GMT -5
(Probably not 'politically correct', but what the he11!). I bought a new Truck... It'll run on hydrogen, gasoline, or E85. Had to go back to the dealer yesterday because I couldn't get the radio to work. The service technician explained that the radio was voice-activated. 'Nelson', the technician said to the radio. The radio replied, 'Ricky or Willie?' 'Willie' he continued, and 'On The Road Again' came from the speakers. Then he said, 'Ray Charles', and in an instant 'Georgia On My Mind' replaced Willie Nelson. I drove away so happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say, 'Beethoven', I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said, 'Beatles', I'd get one of their awesome songs.
Well, yesterday, this woman ran a red light and nearly smashed into my new truck, but luckily I swerved in time to avoid her. I yelled at her, 'You Crazy *bleep*!' The radio replied, 'Hillary, Maxine, 'Pocahontas', or Pelosi?' GOSH, I love this truck!
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Post by vcautokid on Dec 26, 2018 21:32:43 GMT -5
My brother and I got our dogs drunk with some left over beer. We made sure we took the keys so they didn't drive!
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Post by DavidR on Dec 26, 2018 23:36:50 GMT -5
With the rise of autonomous vehicles, it's only a matter of time until there's a country song where the guys truck leaves him too ...
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Dec 27, 2018 1:18:35 GMT -5
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
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Post by DavidR on Dec 27, 2018 8:24:02 GMT -5
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Post by MusicHead on Dec 27, 2018 10:19:02 GMT -5
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Post by DavidR on Dec 27, 2018 18:53:44 GMT -5
It seems that the Road to success is always under construction...
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Post by mgbpuff on Dec 28, 2018 6:37:23 GMT -5
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Post by DavidR on Dec 28, 2018 8:54:50 GMT -5
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Post by DavidR on Dec 28, 2018 9:20:18 GMT -5
My Email password has been hacked...
That's the third time I've had to rename the Cat
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Dec 28, 2018 20:42:21 GMT -5
Holiday Wishes
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2019, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other countries nor the only "America" in the Western Hemisphere. Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.
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Post by monkumonku on Dec 28, 2018 22:42:22 GMT -5
Holiday Wishes Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2019, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other countries nor the only "America" in the Western Hemisphere. Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee. I read slowly and having to plod through all those words you used makes me feel threatened.
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dougport
Sensei
Posts: 376
Member is Online
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Post by dougport on Dec 28, 2018 23:02:36 GMT -5
Holiday Wishes Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2019, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other countries nor the only "America" in the Western Hemisphere. Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee. I read slowly and having to plod through all those words you used makes me feel threatened. #METOO
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Dec 28, 2018 23:06:07 GMT -5
You should have read my first draft before I edited it. I'm channeling Bernie and his buddy Alexandria.
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novisnick
EmoPhile
CEO Secret Monoblock Society
Posts: 27,235
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Post by novisnick on Dec 29, 2018 1:15:44 GMT -5
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Post by DavidR on Dec 29, 2018 9:42:48 GMT -5
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Post by DavidR on Dec 29, 2018 16:40:55 GMT -5
Photons have Mass?
I didn't even know they were Catholic ...
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Post by DavidR on Dec 29, 2018 22:14:26 GMT -5
The worst part of working for the Department of Unemployment is that when you lose your job you still have to show up there the next day...
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Post by mgbpuff on Dec 30, 2018 6:30:34 GMT -5
A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was.She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.... Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, his son volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you,we are just roommates." About a week later, his roommate came to him saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" He said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." He sat down and wrote : Dear Mother: I'm not saying that you ‘did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you ‘did not' take the silver plate But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, your son. Several days later, he received an email from his Mother which read: Dear Son: I'm not saying that you ‘do' sleep with your roommate, and I'm not saying that you ‘do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow… Love, Mom.
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Post by DavidR on Dec 30, 2018 10:38:51 GMT -5
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