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Post by DavidR on Aug 28, 2018 13:46:19 GMT -5
Here's an English lesson for the day!
"Complete" or "Finished"?
No dictionary has ever been able to define the difference between "complete" and "finished." However, during a recent linguistic conference, held in London, England, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese linguist, was asked to make that very distinction.
The question by a colleague in the erudite audience was this: "Some say there is no difference between 'complete' and 'finished.' Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand."
Mr. Balgobin's response: "When you marry the right woman, you are 'complete.' If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'finished.' And, if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are 'completely finished.'"
His answer received a five minute standing ovation.."
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Post by Deleted on Aug 29, 2018 0:33:01 GMT -5
BREAKING NEWS:
The Chicago Police Department has replaced all sirens on police cars with the playing of the National Anthem. This will force suspects to stop running and take a knee.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 29, 2018 0:53:16 GMT -5
A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a
note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.
When the milkman read the note, he felt... there must be a mistake. He
thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons.
So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note
asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk.
Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"
The blonde said,
"No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take
a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
"No, just up to my boobs ...
I can splash it on my eyes if I need to!"
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Post by DavidR on Aug 29, 2018 1:10:34 GMT -5
Behind every ANGRY Woman, is a Man that has absolutely No Idea what He did wrong...
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Post by gus4emo on Aug 29, 2018 9:41:56 GMT -5
BREAKING NEWS: The Chicago Police Department has replaced all sirens on police cars with the playing of the National Anthem. This will force suspects to stop running and take a knee. Not unless the criminal is one of those NFL players, lol.... |
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Post by novisnick on Aug 29, 2018 19:35:03 GMT -5
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Post by DavidR on Aug 30, 2018 10:04:23 GMT -5
Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in London. The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides on the top level. The Brunette team down below is living it up having a great time, when one of them realises she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!" One of the Blondes looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"
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Post by DavidR on Aug 30, 2018 10:07:17 GMT -5
If you can say these 4 words fast out loud without getting tongue tied, your a genius...
1) Eye
2) Yam
3) Stew
4) Peed
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Post by novisnick on Aug 30, 2018 21:14:58 GMT -5
For those feeling our age today! 😋  |
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Post by DavidR on Aug 30, 2018 23:20:57 GMT -5
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge says, "First offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson, then a Fender!"
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Post by novisnick on Aug 31, 2018 3:52:43 GMT -5
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Post by DavidR on Aug 31, 2018 8:45:31 GMT -5
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Post by sahmen on Aug 31, 2018 9:04:00 GMT -5
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Post by sahmen on Aug 31, 2018 10:33:43 GMT -5
Warning : don't disturb this conversation, seriously...  |
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Post by novisnick on Aug 31, 2018 23:44:14 GMT -5
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Post by DavidR on Sept 1, 2018 13:20:55 GMT -5
Red Skelton's list for a good marriage:
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. She said… ‘Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!’ So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said ‘There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!’ So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, ‘In the lake.’
8. She got a mud-pack, and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, ‘Am I too late for the garbage?’ The driver said, ‘No, jump in!’
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
12. I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, ‘What’s on the TV?’ I said, ‘Dust!
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Post by novisnick on Sept 1, 2018 22:39:05 GMT -5
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Post by novisnick on Sept 2, 2018 3:55:24 GMT -5
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Post by DavidR on Sept 2, 2018 8:48:09 GMT -5
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Post by novisnick on Sept 2, 2018 21:45:13 GMT -5
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