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Post by sahmen on Sept 12, 2018 10:51:44 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2018 23:29:21 GMT -5
sahmen That is a really sick joke! I didn't laugh for that long. (OK, maybe 10-15 minutes.) BTW, I read that it is more like 28mph.
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Post by DavidR on Sept 13, 2018 0:03:09 GMT -5
 You all are probably wondering why my left eye is partially closed. Well what happened was this: Last night as my wife was finishing the dinner dishes, I was standing behind her. All I said was, "Would you like to go out, girl?" Without even turning around my wife said, "Oh yes, I'd love to.... We had a wonderful evening and later, she thanked me for surprising her with a night out. Everything was going along so great until I said that: "I was actually talking to the dog"... |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 13, 2018 2:35:10 GMT -5
DavidR ..... You are what is commonly known as a dumm shiiit!  |
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Post by DavidR on Sept 13, 2018 6:09:19 GMT -5
Have to finish the book I guess  Understanding Women |
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Post by adaboy on Sept 13, 2018 9:58:57 GMT -5
You all are probably wondering why my left eye is partially closed. Well what happened was this: Last night as my wife was finishing the dinner dishes, I was standing behind her. All I said was, "Would you like to go out, girl?" Without even turning around my wife said, "Oh yes, I'd love to.... We had a wonderful evening and later, she thanked me for surprising her with a night out. Everything was going along so great until I said that: "I was actually talking to the dog"... Lol maybe you should have delayed posting this as it was immediately after the projectile 20 mph semen joke. I was like ummm oooook you didn't learn from Carol? 🤣🤣 |
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Post by DavidR on Sept 13, 2018 10:12:56 GMT -5
You all are probably wondering why my left eye is partially closed. Well what happened was this: Last night as my wife was finishing the dinner dishes, I was standing behind her. All I said was, "Would you like to go out, girl?" Without even turning around my wife said, "Oh yes, I'd love to.... We had a wonderful evening and later, she thanked me for surprising her with a night out. Everything was going along so great until I said that: "I was actually talking to the dog"... Lol maybe you should have delayed posting this as it was immediately after the projectile 20 mph semen joke. I was like ummm oooook you didn't learn from Carol? 🤣🤣 its a google file photo NOT me |
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Post by adaboy on Sept 13, 2018 10:21:11 GMT -5
Lol maybe you should have delayed posting this as it was immediately after the projectile 20 mph semen joke. I was like ummm oooook you didn't learn from Carol? 🤣🤣 its a google file photo NOT me Hahaha it was just funny placement. |
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Post by mgbpuff on Sept 13, 2018 17:59:56 GMT -5
Hurricane humor  |
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Post by DavidR on Sept 13, 2018 18:32:16 GMT -5
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney....
The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."
Grandpa says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet."
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Grandpa says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he ends up urinating all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.
"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!"
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Post by DavidR on Sept 14, 2018 8:35:07 GMT -5
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Post by Metaldude on Sept 14, 2018 10:53:00 GMT -5
This is just the introduction to understanding women, the book itself is far more involved |
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Post by sahmen on Sept 14, 2018 14:29:59 GMT -5
pants for what?  |
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Post by sahmen on Sept 14, 2018 15:09:09 GMT -5
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Post by DavidR on Sept 15, 2018 8:33:36 GMT -5
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Post by sahmen on Sept 15, 2018 8:36:02 GMT -5
On balance  |
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Post by Porscheguy on Sept 15, 2018 10:20:35 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2018 23:55:30 GMT -5
Have to finish the book I guess Understanding Women This is just the introduction to understanding women, the book itself is far more involved |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2018 0:00:49 GMT -5
One of our Lounge Mod's (identity to remain confidential) on a Florida beach with one of his bosom buddies  |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2018 0:22:38 GMT -5
Speakin of beaches. Don't ever let them bury you in the sand!  |
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