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Post by jmilton on Sept 29, 2018 14:18:38 GMT -5
I’m going to work on my procrastination.
Just you wait and see...
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Post by DavidR on Sept 29, 2018 16:26:51 GMT -5
What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?
I don't know and I don't care...
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Post by DavidR on Sept 30, 2018 10:02:35 GMT -5
Hi, Fred, this is Richard, next door. I've got a confession to make. I've been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face.
At least I'm telling you in this text and I can't live with myself a minute longer without you knowing about this. The truth is that when you're not around I've been sharing your wife, day and night. In fact, probably much more than you.
I haven't been getting it at home recently and I know that that's no excuse. The temptation was just too great. I can't live with the guilt and hope you'll accept my sincere apology and forgive me.
Please sugg est a fee for usage and I'll pay you.
Regards, Richard
NEIGHBOUR'S RESPONSE:
Fred, feeling so angered and betrayed, grabbed his gun and shot Richard -- killing him. He went back home and poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa.
Fred then looked at his phone and discovered a second Text message from Richard.
SECOND TEXT MESSAGE:
Hi, Fred. Richard here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I expect you figured it out and noticed that the damned Auto-Correct had changed "wi-fi" to "wife." Technology, huh? It'll be the death of us all.
Regards, Richard
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Post by novisnick on Oct 1, 2018 1:26:01 GMT -5
Truth  |
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Post by DavidR on Oct 1, 2018 8:32:31 GMT -5
My Wife was complaining last night that I never listen to Her...
Or something like that...
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Post by DavidR on Oct 1, 2018 8:34:38 GMT -5
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer... This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it you.
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks......Which do you want, son?
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
What did I tell you? said the barber....That kid never learns!
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?
The boy licked his cone and replied.......Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!
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Post by saturnx on Oct 1, 2018 18:21:28 GMT -5
My Wife was complaining last night that I never listen to Her... Or something like that... Lmao |
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Post by mgbpuff on Oct 1, 2018 19:20:11 GMT -5
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Post by novisnick on Oct 1, 2018 20:36:08 GMT -5
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Post by DavidR on Oct 2, 2018 8:32:57 GMT -5
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Post by DavidR on Oct 3, 2018 12:59:34 GMT -5
Ham and Eggs...
A Day's Work for a Chicken...
A Lifetime Commitment for a Pig...
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Post by DavidR on Oct 3, 2018 13:00:51 GMT -5
Two Italian men get on a bus.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
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Post by DavidR on Oct 4, 2018 18:02:46 GMT -5
"I'm addicted to placebos. I'd give them up, but it wouldn't make any difference." ~ Steven Wright
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 5, 2018 17:16:14 GMT -5
DavidR,
That is really a very sick joke. I barely laughed at all!
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Post by monkumonku on Oct 5, 2018 17:20:34 GMT -5
DavidR, That is really a very sick joke. I barely laughed at all! So shoot him, why don't you. |
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Post by DavidR on Oct 5, 2018 17:26:45 GMT -5
DavidR, That is really a very sick joke. I barely laughed at all! Deleted |
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Post by DavidR on Oct 5, 2018 17:29:00 GMT -5
As an airplane is about to crash..
A female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.
She removes all her clothing and asks, Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says,........Here, iron this...
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Post by DavidR on Oct 5, 2018 17:29:54 GMT -5
DavidR, That is really a very sick joke. I barely laughed at all! But......................you did laugh some................ |
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Post by novisnick on Oct 5, 2018 19:50:36 GMT -5
 Even these guys get it! 
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Deleted
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Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Oct 6, 2018 2:23:37 GMT -5
DavidR, That is really a very sick joke. I barely laughed at all! But......................you did laugh some................ Yeah, I usually LMAO at your jokes. The sick Mississippi joke I only laughed for about 45 seconds. About 44 seconds longer than one of Jimmy Kimmel's recent political jokes. |
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