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Post by DavidR on Jan 23, 2019 15:25:19 GMT -5
I just burned 2,000 calories...
That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap...
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Post by DavidR on Jan 23, 2019 18:54:25 GMT -5
When my Boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him?
I told him, everybody knows that he doesn't hire stupid people...
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2019 19:10:28 GMT -5
Physicians were asked - Should the U.S. build _____'s Mexican Wall?
> The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
> The Gastroenterologist's had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought _____ had a lot of nerve.
> Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
> Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians shouted, "Oh, grow up!"
> The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it
> Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.
> The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter."
> The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
> Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the A-holes in Washington!
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Post by DavidR on Jan 24, 2019 9:59:39 GMT -5
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Post by DavidR on Jan 24, 2019 19:28:32 GMT -5
A Woman says to the Dentist: "I don't know which is worse, having a tooth pulled or having a baby "...
Dentist: "Well make up your mind, I gotta adjust the chair'...
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Post by Deleted on Jan 25, 2019 2:08:57 GMT -5
Rodent Health Warning!
Two Elderly mice in Worshington State die from eating Kraft brand cheese. US Department of Public Health investigation pending.  
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Post by DavidR on Jan 25, 2019 8:59:43 GMT -5
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Post by novisnick on Jan 25, 2019 16:45:19 GMT -5
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Post by mgbpuff on Jan 26, 2019 8:38:08 GMT -5
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Post by DavidR on Jan 26, 2019 10:35:11 GMT -5
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Post by DavidR on Jan 26, 2019 22:48:14 GMT -5
I purchased a box of condoms earlier today, the cashier asked me if I wanted a bag?
I said: "Nah, I'll just Turn off the lights"...
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Post by novisnick on Jan 27, 2019 5:06:38 GMT -5
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Post by mgbpuff on Jan 27, 2019 7:13:44 GMT -5
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Post by DavidR on Jan 27, 2019 9:04:39 GMT -5
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Post by DavidR on Jan 27, 2019 19:08:02 GMT -5
When I told my Doctor about my loss of memory problem
He had me pay in advance....
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2019 23:34:20 GMT -5
I purchased a box of condoms earlier today, the cashier asked me if I wanted a bag? I said: "Nah, I'll just Turn off the lights"... I purchased a 3 pack of condoms last week. I asked the cashier what the price was. She said that will be $4.10 with the tax. I responded, tacks? I thought they stayed on by themselves! |
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Post by mgbpuff on Jan 28, 2019 7:56:37 GMT -5
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Post by DavidR on Jan 28, 2019 10:13:24 GMT -5
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 28, 2019 13:18:31 GMT -5
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Post by DavidR on Jan 28, 2019 15:00:33 GMT -5
The Future, Present and the Past walked into a Bar....
Things got a little Tense...
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