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Post by DavidR on Jan 29, 2019 9:26:21 GMT -5
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Post by DavidR on Jan 30, 2019 9:27:56 GMT -5
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Post by mgbpuff on Jan 30, 2019 12:40:50 GMT -5
I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 bill.
The total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.'
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.'
The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the people at MacD's.
We had to have the garage door repaired.
The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.'
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'
We haven't used that repairman since...
I live in a semi rural area.
We recently had a new neighbor call the local city council office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.
The reason: 'Too many deers are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE.
I went to a Mexican fast food and ordered a taco.
I asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' co-worker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'what on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
She is a government employee.....
When my wife and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a
service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
‘Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'
STAY ALERT!
They walk among us, they breed, and they vote…....
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Post by mgbpuff on Jan 30, 2019 12:51:58 GMT -5
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Post by mgbpuff on Jan 30, 2019 12:56:25 GMT -5
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Post by DavidR on Jan 30, 2019 18:43:47 GMT -5
Turns out my wife is pretty smart...
I told her that our grandchildren are spoiled...
She said: "They all smell that way"...
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2019 21:27:14 GMT -5
The man replies, roughly a gallon.
Another very sick post! That's why I hit the thumb up/like it button. 
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Post by novisnick on Jan 31, 2019 5:14:11 GMT -5
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Post by mgbpuff on Jan 31, 2019 9:05:02 GMT -5
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Post by DavidR on Jan 31, 2019 9:57:50 GMT -5
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Post by DavidR on Jan 31, 2019 21:30:51 GMT -5
Perhaps if we start telling people that the Brain is an App...
They will start using it...
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Post by novisnick on Feb 1, 2019 0:33:50 GMT -5
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Post by DavidR on Feb 1, 2019 8:52:40 GMT -5
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Post by jmilton on Feb 1, 2019 12:45:49 GMT -5
I told my wife to embrace her mistakes...
Then, she hugged me.
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Post by DavidR on Feb 1, 2019 19:14:14 GMT -5
My girlfriends dad asked me what I do...
Apparently "Your Daughter" wasn't the answer He was expecting...
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Post by jammerblue on Feb 1, 2019 20:19:32 GMT -5
A bar owner walks up to the bartender and asks "are you sleeping with the hostess?"
Bartender replies..."no"
Bar owner says... "good, you fire her then"
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Post by novisnick on Feb 1, 2019 21:12:00 GMT -5
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Post by DavidR on Feb 2, 2019 10:35:31 GMT -5
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Post by DavidR on Feb 2, 2019 17:50:35 GMT -5
Hung Chow calls into work and says: "Hey Boss I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomachache and legs hurt, I no come to work."
The Boss says: "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my Wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later Hung Chow calls in again.
"Boss I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."
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Post by novisnick on Feb 3, 2019 1:04:21 GMT -5
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